Syrup Effects

Last night I had a small quantity of syrup to aid me to sleep faster. Also, since it renders the brain lethargic, I will be unable to think / fantisize too much. I took it at 22:45 and within 15 mins I was in my bed. As predicted, I wasn't disturbed all throughout the night.

 

But half -an-hour after I woke up, I again started to feel drowsy. I reached office 10 min early and soon, I was feeling sleepy. So much so that, I actually had a nap for 1/2 hour ...... in the morning!!! Till 12 I had this drowsiness.

 

One good side effect was that I was feeling thirsty, and I had to quench my thirst regularly. I believe this water will be added to my body composition, and hence make it look bigger. My body volume might be thin because, of its absence of water in the cells.

A good start (Friday)

Woke up at 06:10. Sleep broke, and I heard dad doing dhrastika. I realised (mostly accurate) that I was in the same position as I had slept. I looked at the time in awe, since he couldn't be doing it so early (my alarm did not ring). Later I saw that the time was 06:08. My watch was 12 hrs slow.

 

Woke up, freshened up and started to do pranayama. Concentrating & focusing on each breath, I tried to do it efficiently & fruitfully. I started to drift away gradually and due to low strength, I ended up in the 2nd stage of part-II. Then I started 'water therapy', slogging here & there. And wasting my time. On the pretext of downloading, I took a dose and promised to think only positive about Ghajini. I did do it. And when I felt that it was of no use in my downloading, I threw it on the pretext of saving my health.

 

Ate four chapatis, half-boiled egg and a glass of milk. Did not respond to dad's 'khit-khit'. Was a good part on me since I din't respond. And a good part from God, since I din't have to put any effort to keep myself from responding.

Ghajini

Eight. Was anxious to watch the long anticipated movie - Ghajini. Was expecting some kind of a lesson / motivating factor, as is usually expected from Aamir Khan's movie. Also, the story has a protoganist, who has got short-term memory loss, which is somehow related to my own memory problems (I tend to forgot what people told me to do and I also forget the lessons that life teaches me). The protoganist writes / notes the events / details of his life which is similar to journalling. (I have a strong craving for journalling since I believe it will help me improve my life, but somehow do not get the motivation to do it). Finally, I was expecting to get inspired from Aamir Khan's dedication towards body-building even at this age.

 

So, in all I was expecting four things out of it.
1) Aamir's Lesson.
2) Relate amnesia to myself.
3) Journalling / Personal Diary.
4) Body-building.

 

I saw the movie at Cinemax with Pravin at 10:00. The film ended at 13:12. OK.....the movie was good, but not that good so that it leaves a impact on my mind. It was fun & enjoyable experience. We were admiring the role of Kalpana (played by Asin), the good-hearted chatterbox. But I strongly believe that maybe over time I will be able to get inspired from the movie, the dedication the protoganist had.

 

Right now I am in the mood to jot down each & every event of my life, so that I will be able to learn something from my life. But somehow I believe that focussing on only ONE 'issue' of my life, will I be able to oversome that 'issue'.

So.........I am planning to concentrate on my HEALTH only. Other things will come later. But somehow I am desperat to improve my 'graphical representation'
------atleast for my parents.

Places to Jot down my ideas

Journalling is a very petinent part of our lives. It actually helps a person to learn each and every part of his life and consequently to improvise himself. I have been trying for quite a long time, but due to disinterest, I have been postponing it.

But somehow, due to my 'tendency' towards writing my daily journal, I have experienced problems / absence of writing medium.

I had initially thought of maintaining a blog, then a word file, then a text, diary, paper, mobile, etc. With each I had some aversions / problems, because of which I was unable to complete my journal of a particular day.

The advantages & disadvantages of each of the methods have been tabulated (in Google Docs)

http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pWE7_3gm5QAnR0LX_HSW-Rg

Since these problems are inherent, I have decided to write each & everywhere, wherever possible, since writing is very important - to get a proper understanding of myself.

23rd Dec Monday

Today I still had a bad day. The reasons:

1) Woke up at 8
2) Congested Bowel
3) Negative Attitude towards my father.
4) Four doses of Tobacco
5) Masturbation

As always my list of drawbacks remains unchanged with no improvement.

--


Update:
In a drowsy & half-concious state, I masturbated & destroyed my sleep. Later I started to fiddle with my mobile, and fixed the GPRS problem. I was awake the whole night and slept at 6.

Challenges

A nice article on Challenges & its impact on Humanity has been articulated in the speaking tree. It is a nice motivator, and gives a nice approach to problems in my life (reflects positive attitude).

 

Its a great approach to improvise & succeed in my life.

Videos are the Reason

I had gone to buy tickets for Ghajini & to pay my mobile bills. After the job, I could have roamed around Vashi, just to spend my time, but instead I was approaching home. The reason - I wanted to masturbate by watching that BDSM video. I dint have so much of an urge to do it - but somehow I was pulled because of the dominating factor. After reaching home, I thought of diverting myself by watching TV. But again, since that was what I came home, I went to do my job. I thought of downloading first, but then I couldn't control. So I started to watch the spitting video.

Suddenly I realised, after having an erection, that I had got a nice & hard erection. My concept of ED was wrong. I thought I was having ED since at times I do not get a proper erection.

I then concluded that having a hard  nice one, not only depends on the physical / sexual health of a person, but also on the mood & state of mind of the person. In my case, it was domination & degradation. Somehow I get the feeling that my negative attitude towards sexuality is again rising. I believe the videos are one of the major causes, since without watching the video (especially the spitting ones), I may not had an erection OR I would have not got the interest of masturbating in the first place.

Since these videos are responsible for my bad  behaviour, I take a firm decision of moving it out of my PC tomorrow. I am not that strong to shift delete those stuffs & hence I will have to write it on DVDs and store it in my cupboard.

This way I will be able to prevent "Instant Accessibilty" and hence avoid any future harm to my health / sexuality.